Chapter 4
Page 209
CHAP. IV.
A Continuation of the History of Mrs. Bilson.
IN this manner had this incomparable Pair lived near Ten Years; blessing others, and still more blessed themselves, as much as it is more blessed to give than to receive. Wherever they turned their Eyes, they saw nothing but People by them made happy here; and as far as Education and Care can go towards rendering them so in another World, was done for them. They would have lamented, more bitterly than Titus, the Loss of a Day wherein they had done Good to no one; but were secured from the painful Reflexion, by the uninterrupted Course of their Bounties. This Felicity
Page 210
city they had enjoyed Ten Years, when Mr. Bilson was seized with a Decline, which brought them to Bristol; where the Waters restored this happy Family to its former Peace, by recovering his Health. Mrs. Bilson was scarcely ever absent from him while he was confined, as that Place could not make any Alteration in a Mind so steadily fixed in its virtuous Course. They had brought their young Family with them; for their Gratification, as well as their own; and had the Pleasure of seeing the good Effects of an admirable Education; for Admiration could not inspire the young Ladies with Vanity, nor Diversions give the young Gentlemen a Love for Dissipation. Miss Bilson was extremely handsome; but seemed so little conscious of it, that it was some time before People would believe their own Judgments. Mrs.
Page 211
Mrs. Bilson had had Three Children after she retired into the Country; but at Bristol she was robbed of her adopted Daughter. A Lady of considerable Fashion, who had for sometime led a very retired religious Life, happened at that time to be there. The Civilities necessary to People who have been formerly acquainted passed between her and Mr. Bilson, but with an Air of Constraint and Confusion, which surprised Mrs. Bilson; but as she saw Mr. Bilson distressed when she asked him the Reason of it, she turned the Conversation, and suppressed her Curiosity.
The Lady I have mentioned was charmed with the Behaviour of Mrs. Bilson, and her Daughters; but expressed some Surprize at their appearing of the same Age, and asked some Questions about it; which threw Mrs. Bilson into Confusion, as she did not care to tell the Truth: Her Discomposure startled the Lady, and infected her
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her also; for she was yet more confounded, and the Subject dropped. She soon made an Excuse, and followed Mr. Bilson to the Pump, where he went to drink the Waters; and, taking him aside, begged to know what was become of her Daughter, or whether she was dead.
Mr. Bilson then related his Wife's Behaviour on the Subject, till the Lady was so oppressed and overcome, she could hear no more in so public a Place; but intreated him to bring Mrs. Bilson directly to her Lodgings, and immediately left the Room. Mr. Bilson, with extreme Agitation, told his Wife he must desire her to be present at a Scene which he doubted not would be affecting to her, tho' distressing only to others. He was not capable of explaining himself, nor she of asking him to do so. He led her to the House to which the Lady had directed him; they were carried to her Apart-
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Apartment, and found her in Tears. She rose on their Appearance; and taking hold of Mrs. Bilson’s Hand: "You see, Madam." said she, "a Wretch made unfortunate by her Crimes, but far too mercifully treated by Heaven. Shame being stronger in me than even natural Affection, I abandoned the Offspring of my Guilt; but you have been a Mother to my Child (throwing her Arms about Mrs. Bilson’s Neck): By me it was introduced into the World, oppressed by my Crimes, and the Punishments which followed them; by me it was exposed, helpless and forlorn, to casual Care; but you have saved it from Want, perhaps from Guilt equal to its wretched Mother's; from every Evil you have saved it for me, who can make no other Reparation for the past, than by accepting Shame as my Portion; and, by declaring my Crime, punish myself for adding to
Page 214
to the First that of an unnatural Mother."
The Violence of her Tears at last stifled her Voice, and gave Mrs. Bilson Leisure to reflect on what she had said; whereby she learned that Mr. Bilson's natural Child was by this Lady. The Day was far spent before they could bring this unhappy Woman to any Degree of Composure; but at last they prevailed on her not to declare the young Lady to be her Child, as it could be of Service to neither; but as her Birth had hitherto been a Secret, so to let it remain. All her Resolution could not prevent her from discovering the whole, in the Overflowing of maternal Tenderness, the next Day, at an Interview with her Daughter; but before others she was more prudent. She took her Child home, was lavish in her Thanks to Mrs. Bilson, and endeavoured, by all a Mother's Fondness, to make some Reparation for her past Neglect. Mrs.
Page 215
Mrs. Bilson’s uncommon Merits rendered me unwilling to pass her over in Silence, and especially as her History gives so strong a Proof of the Efficacy of religious Principles towards extracting the sharpest Sting from the highest Adversity, in as great Proportion as
Lady Dellwyn’s Story illustrates the Power of Vanity to bring to nothing every real Advantage; but Lord Dellwyn's Knowlege of her Virtues extended no farther than her constant Attendance on her Husband, when Sickness confined him, and the careful and tender Manner with which her Eyes watched every Change in his Countenance when they were abroad together: But that was sufficient to raise all his Admiration; for his Lordship at that time would not have so much esteemed all the cardinal Virtues, as her conjugal Affection.
CHAP. IV.
A Continuation of the History of Mrs. Bilson.
IN this manner had this incomparable Pair lived near Ten Years; blessing others, and still more blessed themselves, as much as it is more blessed to give than to receive. Wherever they turned their Eyes, they saw nothing but People by them made happy here; and as far as Education and Care can go towards rendering them so in another World, was done for them. They would have lamented, more bitterly than Titus, the Loss of a Day wherein they had done Good to no one; but were secured from the painful Reflexion, by the uninterrupted Course of their Bounties. This Felicity
Page 210
city they had enjoyed Ten Years, when Mr. Bilson was seized with a Decline, which brought them to Bristol; where the Waters restored this happy Family to its former Peace, by recovering his Health. Mrs. Bilson was scarcely ever absent from him while he was confined, as that Place could not make any Alteration in a Mind so steadily fixed in its virtuous Course. They had brought their young Family with them; for their Gratification, as well as their own; and had the Pleasure of seeing the good Effects of an admirable Education; for Admiration could not inspire the young Ladies with Vanity, nor Diversions give the young Gentlemen a Love for Dissipation. Miss Bilson was extremely handsome; but seemed so little conscious of it, that it was some time before People would believe their own Judgments. Mrs.
Page 211
Mrs. Bilson had had Three Children after she retired into the Country; but at Bristol she was robbed of her adopted Daughter. A Lady of considerable Fashion, who had for sometime led a very retired religious Life, happened at that time to be there. The Civilities necessary to People who have been formerly acquainted passed between her and Mr. Bilson, but with an Air of Constraint and Confusion, which surprised Mrs. Bilson; but as she saw Mr. Bilson distressed when she asked him the Reason of it, she turned the Conversation, and suppressed her Curiosity.
The Lady I have mentioned was charmed with the Behaviour of Mrs. Bilson, and her Daughters; but expressed some Surprize at their appearing of the same Age, and asked some Questions about it; which threw Mrs. Bilson into Confusion, as she did not care to tell the Truth: Her Discomposure startled the Lady, and infected her
Page 212
her also; for she was yet more confounded, and the Subject dropped. She soon made an Excuse, and followed Mr. Bilson to the Pump, where he went to drink the Waters; and, taking him aside, begged to know what was become of her Daughter, or whether she was dead.
Mr. Bilson then related his Wife's Behaviour on the Subject, till the Lady was so oppressed and overcome, she could hear no more in so public a Place; but intreated him to bring Mrs. Bilson directly to her Lodgings, and immediately left the Room. Mr. Bilson, with extreme Agitation, told his Wife he must desire her to be present at a Scene which he doubted not would be affecting to her, tho' distressing only to others. He was not capable of explaining himself, nor she of asking him to do so. He led her to the House to which the Lady had directed him; they were carried to her Apart-
Page 213
Apartment, and found her in Tears. She rose on their Appearance; and taking hold of Mrs. Bilson’s Hand: "You see, Madam." said she, "a Wretch made unfortunate by her Crimes, but far too mercifully treated by Heaven. Shame being stronger in me than even natural Affection, I abandoned the Offspring of my Guilt; but you have been a Mother to my Child (throwing her Arms about Mrs. Bilson’s Neck): By me it was introduced into the World, oppressed by my Crimes, and the Punishments which followed them; by me it was exposed, helpless and forlorn, to casual Care; but you have saved it from Want, perhaps from Guilt equal to its wretched Mother's; from every Evil you have saved it for me, who can make no other Reparation for the past, than by accepting Shame as my Portion; and, by declaring my Crime, punish myself for adding to
Page 214
to the First that of an unnatural Mother."
The Violence of her Tears at last stifled her Voice, and gave Mrs. Bilson Leisure to reflect on what she had said; whereby she learned that Mr. Bilson's natural Child was by this Lady. The Day was far spent before they could bring this unhappy Woman to any Degree of Composure; but at last they prevailed on her not to declare the young Lady to be her Child, as it could be of Service to neither; but as her Birth had hitherto been a Secret, so to let it remain. All her Resolution could not prevent her from discovering the whole, in the Overflowing of maternal Tenderness, the next Day, at an Interview with her Daughter; but before others she was more prudent. She took her Child home, was lavish in her Thanks to Mrs. Bilson, and endeavoured, by all a Mother's Fondness, to make some Reparation for her past Neglect. Mrs.
Page 215
Mrs. Bilson’s uncommon Merits rendered me unwilling to pass her over in Silence, and especially as her History gives so strong a Proof of the Efficacy of religious Principles towards extracting the sharpest Sting from the highest Adversity, in as great Proportion as
Lady Dellwyn’s Story illustrates the Power of Vanity to bring to nothing every real Advantage; but Lord Dellwyn's Knowlege of her Virtues extended no farther than her constant Attendance on her Husband, when Sickness confined him, and the careful and tender Manner with which her Eyes watched every Change in his Countenance when they were abroad together: But that was sufficient to raise all his Admiration; for his Lordship at that time would not have so much esteemed all the cardinal Virtues, as her conjugal Affection.
Chapter 5
Page 216
CHAP. V.
A drawn Battle, in which neither Side are Conquerors.
THERE is yet another kind of matrimonial Dialect, which naturally succeeds this of talking at each other; which may very properly be stiled The Language Contradictory, and rises yet to a Degree of more open Defiance. In the former, however plain the Object of the Satire may be exhibited to the whole Company, yet there always remains some little Covering, which admits of an Opportunity to say, with Sir John Falstaff, "No Abuse, "Hall, no Abuse;" or with the Servants in Romeo and Juliet, "I bite my Thumbs, but not by way of Offence." But in this last Method, the Defiance becomes
Page 217
becomes more open, and the Impetuosity with which these Contradictions are uttered (atho' the Subjects of them are often of the most indifferent Nature) evidently prove that they arise from Passion: And now if the most apparent Truths had come from Lord- Dellwyn’s Lips, his speaking them, like a magic Wand, had the Power of transforming them into the most glaring Falsehoods in the Eyes of his Lady; altho' it must be confessed, that Lady Dellwyn sometimes recollected herself in the midst of a warm Debate, saying, "My Lord, I must beg your Lordship's Pardon for that;" as if she suddenly remembered her own Rank and Dignity, and threw in those few civil Words to palliate the Fear of being rude and vulgar; but the Warmth of her Contradiction was rather increased than abated, when she fancied that she had, by this Method, paid a Tribute to her Politeness, and put to Silence the Apprehension of behaving unlike a Countess.
VOL. I. L On
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On the other hand Lord Dellwyn could trace the most ridiculous Absurdities in every Expression of his Lady's, and constantly deduced some sort of Satire, or evil Meaning, from her Words, even when there was none in her Thoughts. Thus did Lord and Lady Dellwyn go through every matrimonial Dialect which human Invention could furnish; with the Exception only of that which is the natural Result of a reciprocal well-founded Affection; a kind of Language which was by no means adapted to express the Purposes of their Hearts. At first indeed Lord Dellwyn used some Terms that seemed to imitate such as are proper to Affection, and his Lady condescended to submit to Dissimulation: But from thence they soon began to talk at each other; and then, by a natural Progress, they arose to the Dialect Contradictory. The
Page 219
The frequent Repetitions of these Kinds of Conversation rendered them unsatisfactory; which verified the Propriety of the Observation, that all human Pleasures by Use become languid, and send us Mortals to seek our Gratification by Change and Variety.
Lord and Lady Dellwyn now therefore sought a new Method of Indulgence, by which they might vent their Passions of mutual Anger (like Jobson in the Farce, they found it necessary to come to Action); and as they before talked, so they now acted, with a steadfast View to each other's Uneasiness: And the slightest Supposition that they had discovered any Means by which they could vex and teaze each other, was always pursued as diligently, and with as much Alacrity, as if their whole future Happiness had depended on Success. Mr. Stratam, the young Gentleman before-mentioned to have been present
L 2 when
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when Lady Dellwyn first provoked her Lord to Anger, was now absolutely fixed on by her Ladyship as a proper Person for an Admirer. She had before desired to do so; every new Dangler being a valuable Acquisition in the Scheme of Gallantry. But here a double Pleasure was proposed; for Lord Dellwyn had expressed a peculiar Disapprobation of Mr. Stratam. Such an Incentive, added to her general Love of Admiration, was sufficient to heighten all her Charms whensoever Mr. Stratam approached. Her animal Spirits were then in such a Flush of Joy, that an uncommon Lustre darted from her Eyes, with an enlivening Hope of obtaining at once a new Conquest, and doing what was most particularly disobliging to her Lord. Lady Dellwyn seemed now to have made a Determination, that she would amply reward herself for the heavy and painful Chains she had so long laboured under of living a Life of Deceit, by allowing
Page 221
allowing herself free Liberty to give a Loose to every new Desire, or whimsical Inclination. The Reflux of Passions after they have been long confined, generally bears down every Opposition, and is violent in its Course.
There was an insurmountable Bar to Lady Dellwyn’s indulging her Intention of gaining Mr. Stratam's Admiration, which she neither foresaw nor expected: In fact, he had none to bestow, but what was already engaged in such a Manner, that there was no Probability of his Inconstancy: He had a Sinking Fund, that was capable of swallowing more than he was in Possession of. This large Fund was no other than Himself; altho' he was too fond of his Eyes to venture the injuring them by too much Reading, yet if he had perused all the Philosophy that ever was wrote, recommending Self-contemplation as a necessary Part of Wisdom, he could not possibly have been more assiduous in his Application to that One
L 3 peculiar
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peculiar Study. A small Mistake indeed he was led into; for he took a Part of Wisdom for the Whole. But where was a human Philosopher ever heard of, who was never guilty of a trifling Mistake?
Mr. Stratam reaped many Advantages from his judicious Choice of the Object in which he centered all his Affections and Admiration. He could never write any Sonnets on Chloe absent, or Chloe cruel; for dear Self was always present, and always abounded with Kindness. Then he enjoyed the inexpressible Pleasure of discovering a faultless Mistress whose every Action could stand the strictest Test of his Judgment; and who, on every Examination, was found worthy, not only to be approved; but also to be applauded.
From the time that Lady Dellwyn had been introduced into the World, till within a few Months, she had suffered a Life of Mortification, and Repentance
Page 223
pentance of her own foolish Vanity; and during that little Space, Dissipation had banished. Reflexion; by which means she had a very small Degree of Knowledge in the Characters of Men: She wondered at, but could not penetrate, the Cause of Mr. Stratam's joining himself to her Train, and yet falling so short of her Expectation in the Manners and Behaviour adapted to Gallantry. She could trace no Rival; for that most dangerous of all others, Himself never once came into her thoughts. But altho' Mr. Stratam confined his
Admiration within the Circumference of his own Person, yet such are the whimsical effects of Vanity, that the Boundaries of his desires were enlarged far beyond that mark. To be admired by others was as necessary to his happiness, as Food to his Existence. He fattened on Flattery; and pined himself away, whenever he suspected that he was not viewed by others in the same magnifying Glass in which he beheld himself.
L 4 In
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In order to obtain this desirable End, he attempted to play every Part; and was, like Bottom, the Weaver in Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream, "An universal Man." It was amazing with what Celerity he could change his Subject, and make an Appearance of all such Knowledge as he knew nothing of, according to the different Companies with whom he conversed. With the Learned, Mr. Stratam practised the Virtue of Prudence, by guarding his Lips from Utterance, left he should betray himself by speaking; for which Silence he made himself ample Amends, by the Volubility of his Discourse amongst the Ignorant: With the Lawyer, he was Master of the whole Art military; with the Merchant the perfectly understood the Law. Mathematics, Arithmetic, Politics, had all their different Seasons; no human Art escaped him, provided he was certain that his Company was ignorant of the Subject of his Eloquence.
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quence. Divinity was the only Topic on which he did not display his Talents: Whether this arose from Modesty, or a Suspicion of that Road's not leading to his favourite Pursuit, of being admired amongst the Company into which he was admitted, is a Point undetermined.
Technical Terms of Sciences often puzzle the Learner, who is desirous of Knowlege; but when they are got by rote, are of admirable Service to conceal Ignorance.
Mr. Stratam had the Happiness of a tolerable Memory; by which means whenever he happened to fall into Company where any Sentiments were to be found, he took the Liberty to borrow them without asking the Consent of the Owner; and, very fortunately for him, they are a kind of Property for which no Interest is demanded; otherwise he would soon have belivering
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livering up all his whole Stock have ever discharged the Debt.
With the Ladies, Mr. Stratam was metamorphosed into a Scholar. If the Question arose, whether the e, in Pamela, should be pronounced long or short, he had immediate Recourse to the Greek Prosodia for a Determination; scorning to be directed by the Authority of our best English Poets.
A Contention for Admiration between two Persons, whose outward Pretence is the admiring each other, makes perhaps as whimsical and as ridiculous a Scene as many that are presented on the Theatre. One Evening, when Mr. Stratam had the Day before performed the Part of a Mute in the Company of some Gentlemen of Learning and Understanding he accosted Lady Dellwyn first with the usual civil Salutations; and then resolved to repay himself for his Silence the Day before, by repeating all the technical Terms he
Page 227
he had then learned, as fast as he could remember them; altho' indeed in such a set Form, as was a strong Proof that they came not from a Soil natural to them: All which great Expence of Breath might as well have been spared for not one Syllable made its Way thro
Lady Dellwyn’s Faculty of Hearing; for her Ladyship was otherwise employed. She did not indeed talk at the same time with Mr. Stratam, but was acting her Part in the Conversation; her Eyes spontaneously rolled on her own white Bosom, she was adjusting her Tucker, and setting herself off to the best Advantage, in order to catch his Eye, instead of giving Attention to his Discourse.
When Mr. Stratam had finished his Speech, the Cessation of the Sound of his Voice seemed to awaken Lady Dellwyn, as from a Dream; and with a vacant Look and careless Air, she replied, by saying, "I think, Sir, there was a great deal of Company at my
L6 "Lord
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"Lord ---'s Breakfast this Morning;" but her Pains of adjusting her Tucker, and throwing herself into the most amiable Attitudes, were full as much cast away on Mr. Stratam, as his Discourse had been on her Ladyship; for he had no sooner completed one elaborate Speech, than he began collecting together another; whilst she tried yet a different Art; and turned her delicate white Hand and Arm into Variety of Postures; but vain was the Attempt on both Sides. Mr. Stratam's Attention was as steadily fixed at home, as was
Lady Dellwyn’s; and they separated without having made any more Impression towards changing the Object of each other's Contemplation, than when they first met.
Some few of these unavailing Scenes had passed, when Mr. Stratam declared, that Lady Dellwyn was filled with Vanity and Affectation; and her Ladyship gave him the Character of an insipid and insensible Animal. She now sought no
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no farther Opportunities of conversing with him, except when her Lord was present; and then she found sufficient Reason even to court this insensible Animal; who also, during the Time that he perceived himself to be addressed and singled out by Lady Dellwyn, clearly perceived that she was changed from all her Vanity and Affectation into a reasonable Woman.
But altho' Lady Dellwyn was so Unmoved by all the borrowed Sentiments Mr. Stratam could throw forth in the most rattling Eloquence, yet as a Proof that every Man hath a Chance of pleasing some one individual Woman, this very Mr. Stratam had once given great Pain to a young Lady, who was designed for his Wife both by her own and his Father. Their Estates were contiguous to each other. They were both the only Children of their Parents. Mr. Stratam consented to obey his Father, without any Inclination or Value for the Lady, having no Choice
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Choice of his own, and being fixed in the Object of his sole Admiration, as is before mentioned.
The young Lady at first only looked on him as her destined Husband, and therefore endeavoured to cultivate an Affection for him; which arose rather more from a dutiful Desire of paying Obedience to her Father's Commands, than from any Passion of her own; but she had been bred in the Country, where she had not been accustomed to converse with many Men, there being very few in her Neighborhood, who were thought be her Father to in a Station that rendered them proper Company for his Daughter; and Mr. Stratam displayed so many different Kinds of Knoweldge, as she thought, before her, that she imposed on her Ignorance; and she began to imagine that he was possessed of the brightest Understanding, and of more Knowledge than all the rest of Mankind. This first pleased her Vanity in the Thoughts of
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of being Wife to so extraordinary a Man, thinking that by that means much Honour would devolve on her also.
The Pleasure therefore that she found in Mr. Stratam's Conversation, by degrees brought her really to love him, and fix her Heart on their Marriage, as the ultimate View of her future Happiness; but when she thought she had full Reason to conclude the Accomplishment of all her Wishes was nigh, Mr. Stratam's Father died; which Incident perfectly reversed all her Prospects.
Mr. Stratam, altho’ he had not resisted his living Father's Commands, yet did not think himself now obliged to perform what he knew was his Will after he was dead; and from that time resolved to break of the Match. The young Lady's Affection towards him he never considered as demanding any Gratitude; for he supposed it was absolutely his Due, and no more than he might
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might obtain from any other Lady whom he honoured with his Addresses. He therefore left her, without the least Compunction for what she might suffer; and being her only and her first Love, the Disappointment affected her so deeply, that it withered her Bloom and destroyed her Health; and being unlearned in the Ways of receiving one Lover after another, and then chuse that Man who could prove the least Advantage in the Rent-roll of his Estate over a Rival, she never afterwards would listen to the Addresses of any other Lover.
Mr. Stratam now thought he would fly at nobler Quarry than a Country Girl, and was a constant Attendant on public Places, as he imagined they were the most calculated for him, both to borrow other Men's Thoughts, and to add the Admiration of others to his own; which he was always certain of obtaining. And in this manner he pro-
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proceeded from Day to Day, without ever discovering what yet was an undoubted Fact, that whenever he was an Object of Admiration, he must be indebted for it to Ignorance alone.
CHAP. V.
A drawn Battle, in which neither Side are Conquerors.
THERE is yet another kind of matrimonial Dialect, which naturally succeeds this of talking at each other; which may very properly be stiled The Language Contradictory, and rises yet to a Degree of more open Defiance. In the former, however plain the Object of the Satire may be exhibited to the whole Company, yet there always remains some little Covering, which admits of an Opportunity to say, with Sir John Falstaff, "No Abuse, "Hall, no Abuse;" or with the Servants in Romeo and Juliet, "I bite my Thumbs, but not by way of Offence." But in this last Method, the Defiance becomes
Page 217
becomes more open, and the Impetuosity with which these Contradictions are uttered (atho' the Subjects of them are often of the most indifferent Nature) evidently prove that they arise from Passion: And now if the most apparent Truths had come from Lord- Dellwyn’s Lips, his speaking them, like a magic Wand, had the Power of transforming them into the most glaring Falsehoods in the Eyes of his Lady; altho' it must be confessed, that Lady Dellwyn sometimes recollected herself in the midst of a warm Debate, saying, "My Lord, I must beg your Lordship's Pardon for that;" as if she suddenly remembered her own Rank and Dignity, and threw in those few civil Words to palliate the Fear of being rude and vulgar; but the Warmth of her Contradiction was rather increased than abated, when she fancied that she had, by this Method, paid a Tribute to her Politeness, and put to Silence the Apprehension of behaving unlike a Countess.
VOL. I. L On
Page 218
On the other hand Lord Dellwyn could trace the most ridiculous Absurdities in every Expression of his Lady's, and constantly deduced some sort of Satire, or evil Meaning, from her Words, even when there was none in her Thoughts. Thus did Lord and Lady Dellwyn go through every matrimonial Dialect which human Invention could furnish; with the Exception only of that which is the natural Result of a reciprocal well-founded Affection; a kind of Language which was by no means adapted to express the Purposes of their Hearts. At first indeed Lord Dellwyn used some Terms that seemed to imitate such as are proper to Affection, and his Lady condescended to submit to Dissimulation: But from thence they soon began to talk at each other; and then, by a natural Progress, they arose to the Dialect Contradictory. The
Page 219
The frequent Repetitions of these Kinds of Conversation rendered them unsatisfactory; which verified the Propriety of the Observation, that all human Pleasures by Use become languid, and send us Mortals to seek our Gratification by Change and Variety.
Lord and Lady Dellwyn now therefore sought a new Method of Indulgence, by which they might vent their Passions of mutual Anger (like Jobson in the Farce, they found it necessary to come to Action); and as they before talked, so they now acted, with a steadfast View to each other's Uneasiness: And the slightest Supposition that they had discovered any Means by which they could vex and teaze each other, was always pursued as diligently, and with as much Alacrity, as if their whole future Happiness had depended on Success. Mr. Stratam, the young Gentleman before-mentioned to have been present
L 2 when
Page 220
when Lady Dellwyn first provoked her Lord to Anger, was now absolutely fixed on by her Ladyship as a proper Person for an Admirer. She had before desired to do so; every new Dangler being a valuable Acquisition in the Scheme of Gallantry. But here a double Pleasure was proposed; for Lord Dellwyn had expressed a peculiar Disapprobation of Mr. Stratam. Such an Incentive, added to her general Love of Admiration, was sufficient to heighten all her Charms whensoever Mr. Stratam approached. Her animal Spirits were then in such a Flush of Joy, that an uncommon Lustre darted from her Eyes, with an enlivening Hope of obtaining at once a new Conquest, and doing what was most particularly disobliging to her Lord. Lady Dellwyn seemed now to have made a Determination, that she would amply reward herself for the heavy and painful Chains she had so long laboured under of living a Life of Deceit, by allowing
Page 221
allowing herself free Liberty to give a Loose to every new Desire, or whimsical Inclination. The Reflux of Passions after they have been long confined, generally bears down every Opposition, and is violent in its Course.
There was an insurmountable Bar to Lady Dellwyn’s indulging her Intention of gaining Mr. Stratam's Admiration, which she neither foresaw nor expected: In fact, he had none to bestow, but what was already engaged in such a Manner, that there was no Probability of his Inconstancy: He had a Sinking Fund, that was capable of swallowing more than he was in Possession of. This large Fund was no other than Himself; altho' he was too fond of his Eyes to venture the injuring them by too much Reading, yet if he had perused all the Philosophy that ever was wrote, recommending Self-contemplation as a necessary Part of Wisdom, he could not possibly have been more assiduous in his Application to that One
L 3 peculiar
Page 222
peculiar Study. A small Mistake indeed he was led into; for he took a Part of Wisdom for the Whole. But where was a human Philosopher ever heard of, who was never guilty of a trifling Mistake?
Mr. Stratam reaped many Advantages from his judicious Choice of the Object in which he centered all his Affections and Admiration. He could never write any Sonnets on Chloe absent, or Chloe cruel; for dear Self was always present, and always abounded with Kindness. Then he enjoyed the inexpressible Pleasure of discovering a faultless Mistress whose every Action could stand the strictest Test of his Judgment; and who, on every Examination, was found worthy, not only to be approved; but also to be applauded.
From the time that Lady Dellwyn had been introduced into the World, till within a few Months, she had suffered a Life of Mortification, and Repentance
Page 223
pentance of her own foolish Vanity; and during that little Space, Dissipation had banished. Reflexion; by which means she had a very small Degree of Knowledge in the Characters of Men: She wondered at, but could not penetrate, the Cause of Mr. Stratam's joining himself to her Train, and yet falling so short of her Expectation in the Manners and Behaviour adapted to Gallantry. She could trace no Rival; for that most dangerous of all others, Himself never once came into her thoughts. But altho' Mr. Stratam confined his
Admiration within the Circumference of his own Person, yet such are the whimsical effects of Vanity, that the Boundaries of his desires were enlarged far beyond that mark. To be admired by others was as necessary to his happiness, as Food to his Existence. He fattened on Flattery; and pined himself away, whenever he suspected that he was not viewed by others in the same magnifying Glass in which he beheld himself.
L 4 In
Page 224
In order to obtain this desirable End, he attempted to play every Part; and was, like Bottom, the Weaver in Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream, "An universal Man." It was amazing with what Celerity he could change his Subject, and make an Appearance of all such Knowledge as he knew nothing of, according to the different Companies with whom he conversed. With the Learned, Mr. Stratam practised the Virtue of Prudence, by guarding his Lips from Utterance, left he should betray himself by speaking; for which Silence he made himself ample Amends, by the Volubility of his Discourse amongst the Ignorant: With the Lawyer, he was Master of the whole Art military; with the Merchant the perfectly understood the Law. Mathematics, Arithmetic, Politics, had all their different Seasons; no human Art escaped him, provided he was certain that his Company was ignorant of the Subject of his Eloquence.
Page 225
quence. Divinity was the only Topic on which he did not display his Talents: Whether this arose from Modesty, or a Suspicion of that Road's not leading to his favourite Pursuit, of being admired amongst the Company into which he was admitted, is a Point undetermined.
Technical Terms of Sciences often puzzle the Learner, who is desirous of Knowlege; but when they are got by rote, are of admirable Service to conceal Ignorance.
Mr. Stratam had the Happiness of a tolerable Memory; by which means whenever he happened to fall into Company where any Sentiments were to be found, he took the Liberty to borrow them without asking the Consent of the Owner; and, very fortunately for him, they are a kind of Property for which no Interest is demanded; otherwise he would soon have belivering
Page 226
livering up all his whole Stock have ever discharged the Debt.
With the Ladies, Mr. Stratam was metamorphosed into a Scholar. If the Question arose, whether the e, in Pamela, should be pronounced long or short, he had immediate Recourse to the Greek Prosodia for a Determination; scorning to be directed by the Authority of our best English Poets.
A Contention for Admiration between two Persons, whose outward Pretence is the admiring each other, makes perhaps as whimsical and as ridiculous a Scene as many that are presented on the Theatre. One Evening, when Mr. Stratam had the Day before performed the Part of a Mute in the Company of some Gentlemen of Learning and Understanding he accosted Lady Dellwyn first with the usual civil Salutations; and then resolved to repay himself for his Silence the Day before, by repeating all the technical Terms he
Page 227
he had then learned, as fast as he could remember them; altho' indeed in such a set Form, as was a strong Proof that they came not from a Soil natural to them: All which great Expence of Breath might as well have been spared for not one Syllable made its Way thro
Lady Dellwyn’s Faculty of Hearing; for her Ladyship was otherwise employed. She did not indeed talk at the same time with Mr. Stratam, but was acting her Part in the Conversation; her Eyes spontaneously rolled on her own white Bosom, she was adjusting her Tucker, and setting herself off to the best Advantage, in order to catch his Eye, instead of giving Attention to his Discourse.
When Mr. Stratam had finished his Speech, the Cessation of the Sound of his Voice seemed to awaken Lady Dellwyn, as from a Dream; and with a vacant Look and careless Air, she replied, by saying, "I think, Sir, there was a great deal of Company at my
L6 "Lord
Page 228
"Lord ---'s Breakfast this Morning;" but her Pains of adjusting her Tucker, and throwing herself into the most amiable Attitudes, were full as much cast away on Mr. Stratam, as his Discourse had been on her Ladyship; for he had no sooner completed one elaborate Speech, than he began collecting together another; whilst she tried yet a different Art; and turned her delicate white Hand and Arm into Variety of Postures; but vain was the Attempt on both Sides. Mr. Stratam's Attention was as steadily fixed at home, as was
Lady Dellwyn’s; and they separated without having made any more Impression towards changing the Object of each other's Contemplation, than when they first met.
Some few of these unavailing Scenes had passed, when Mr. Stratam declared, that Lady Dellwyn was filled with Vanity and Affectation; and her Ladyship gave him the Character of an insipid and insensible Animal. She now sought no
Page 229
no farther Opportunities of conversing with him, except when her Lord was present; and then she found sufficient Reason even to court this insensible Animal; who also, during the Time that he perceived himself to be addressed and singled out by Lady Dellwyn, clearly perceived that she was changed from all her Vanity and Affectation into a reasonable Woman.
But altho' Lady Dellwyn was so Unmoved by all the borrowed Sentiments Mr. Stratam could throw forth in the most rattling Eloquence, yet as a Proof that every Man hath a Chance of pleasing some one individual Woman, this very Mr. Stratam had once given great Pain to a young Lady, who was designed for his Wife both by her own and his Father. Their Estates were contiguous to each other. They were both the only Children of their Parents. Mr. Stratam consented to obey his Father, without any Inclination or Value for the Lady, having no Choice
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Choice of his own, and being fixed in the Object of his sole Admiration, as is before mentioned.
The young Lady at first only looked on him as her destined Husband, and therefore endeavoured to cultivate an Affection for him; which arose rather more from a dutiful Desire of paying Obedience to her Father's Commands, than from any Passion of her own; but she had been bred in the Country, where she had not been accustomed to converse with many Men, there being very few in her Neighborhood, who were thought be her Father to in a Station that rendered them proper Company for his Daughter; and Mr. Stratam displayed so many different Kinds of Knoweldge, as she thought, before her, that she imposed on her Ignorance; and she began to imagine that he was possessed of the brightest Understanding, and of more Knowledge than all the rest of Mankind. This first pleased her Vanity in the Thoughts of
Page 231
of being Wife to so extraordinary a Man, thinking that by that means much Honour would devolve on her also.
The Pleasure therefore that she found in Mr. Stratam's Conversation, by degrees brought her really to love him, and fix her Heart on their Marriage, as the ultimate View of her future Happiness; but when she thought she had full Reason to conclude the Accomplishment of all her Wishes was nigh, Mr. Stratam's Father died; which Incident perfectly reversed all her Prospects.
Mr. Stratam, altho’ he had not resisted his living Father's Commands, yet did not think himself now obliged to perform what he knew was his Will after he was dead; and from that time resolved to break of the Match. The young Lady's Affection towards him he never considered as demanding any Gratitude; for he supposed it was absolutely his Due, and no more than he might
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might obtain from any other Lady whom he honoured with his Addresses. He therefore left her, without the least Compunction for what she might suffer; and being her only and her first Love, the Disappointment affected her so deeply, that it withered her Bloom and destroyed her Health; and being unlearned in the Ways of receiving one Lover after another, and then chuse that Man who could prove the least Advantage in the Rent-roll of his Estate over a Rival, she never afterwards would listen to the Addresses of any other Lover.
Mr. Stratam now thought he would fly at nobler Quarry than a Country Girl, and was a constant Attendant on public Places, as he imagined they were the most calculated for him, both to borrow other Men's Thoughts, and to add the Admiration of others to his own; which he was always certain of obtaining. And in this manner he pro-
Page 233
proceeded from Day to Day, without ever discovering what yet was an undoubted Fact, that whenever he was an Object of Admiration, he must be indebted for it to Ignorance alone.
Chapter 6
Page 234
CHAP. VI.
Various Humours, all tending to the fame material Point of casting off the heavy Burden of Time.
IN all public Places, the Company naturally fall into several Classes or Divisions, according to their various Dispositions in Tastes. Some are busy Actors in the Scene; others, like the Centinels placed at each Corner of the Theatre, seem to have no other Employment but to behold the Play; altho' if the most minute Criticisms on the Actions, Dress, or Behaviour of the Company, could keep the Peace, or prevent others from running Riot, it might be imagined that they also were sent, as well as the Guard, to the Play-house, to prevent Uproars and Confusion; but
Page 235
but altho' their Tongues are often sharpened by Slander, yet they cannot do equal Execution with the pointed Bayonet, and therefore are less forcible to maintain Order and Regularity.
This Class may, with no Impropriety, be stiled The Party of Observation; they game no more than is absolutely necessary to keep themselves in Countenance, and prove their Affnity to the World. Their chied Delight is placed in Conversation, and they are to be found herded together, in little Clusters, in the Corners of public Assemblies; every Oddness of Manner, or Peculiarity of Character, they can discover, is a valuable Acquisition, and is immediately published throughout the whole Set, and serves to blazon forth their Talent of Ridicule with the greater Variety. The Oddities of Figure or Behaviour, which have been perceived by any of this Party of Observation in the Evening, are served up as regularly for a Repast the
Page 236
the next Morning at Breakfast, as Tea, Coffee, Chocolate, or any other Ingredient of which it is generally composed.
A Degree of Wit and Humour, or something that so far resembles those Qualities as to be mistaken for them, at least by one another, is necessary for an Introduction to this Party, for as to that numberless Race of Mortals, who continue to the End of their Lives, cherishing the Hopes that they have been instrumental in making others ridiculous, whereas in Truth they have conferred that Favour on themselves alone, it is with great Difficulty any of them can gain Admittance amongst this society; unless they are so fortunate as to be within such a Degree of Consanguinity to some Person of Consequence amongst them, as to have an undoubted Right of claiming at least a Cousinship; and in that Cafe they find it as good to be related to Wit, as the common Proverb pronounces what it is, as to be related
Page 237
lated to an Estate; but if it was not for the Indulgence of that various, Proteus- like Passion of Vanity, which changes and twists into Millions of Forms, these Persons would soon discover what an extravagant Price they pay for such an Advantage.
Their Situation is indeed very unpleasant; they reverse the Afftectation of poor Stephen, in Ben Johnson's Comedy of Every Man in his Humour, who put on the Humour of Melancholy, thinking he thereby shewed the Gentleman; for they, on the contrary, put on the Humour of Mirth, imagining that thereby they shew that Wit; and are continually putting themselves to the Pain of forcing Laughter, when they feel themselves much more inclined to weep. They are so placed as to resemble only Pictures of human Creatures; and are for the greatest Part of their Time present, where they neither constitute any Part of the Conversation, nor receive to themselves any Enter-
Page 238
Entertainment: Like Puppets, in a Raree-show, they serve only for Appearances; and when they leave the Company, no Faculty but that of Sight is sensible of their Absence.
They are the very Opposites to Sir John Falstaff; have a two-fold Stupidity, neither being witty themselves, nor the Causes of Wit in others; for there is such an Excess of Dullness in some Persons, that, like the Torpedo, they benumb all that approach them; with only this Difference, that their Effect is on the Mind.
The Party of Observation have a Custom of bestowing on every one some Nick-name, signifying the Character of the Person on whom they condescend to fit in Judgement; which, like the Free-mason's Sign, being unknown to any but themselves, serves them as an Expedient by which they can express their Thoughts of whomsoever they please in public Company, and
Page 239
and no other Person, except their own Society, can understand their Meaning, or be ever the wiser.
There are a Set also of Gamesters, who make Play their only Business; who entirely lose the Idea of its being a Diversion, and follow it as closely as if it were a Trade on which they, and their Families depended: And indeed their Ruin doth too often depend on it; for I speak not of those who are, in the common Expression, said to play all the Game; not chusing to enter on the Subject of the Various Kinds of Pick-pockets with which the World is infested; but being willing rather to perform the Office of those Persons, who, at the coming out of the Playhouse, caution the Company, by crying out, with a loud Voice, "Gentlemen, guard your Pockets."
These Gamesters are so swallowed up in their favourite Employment, that at Meals, and at such small Spaces of Time
Page 240
Time as their Hands are forced to cease from it, they, like Bajazet, "enjoy it in Thought;" and the talking over the Cards which they have played, fills up their Conversation: It is probable their Imagination doth not cease from Play even in their Sleep; but, as the Company at the Lord Mayor's Feast,
Eat in Dreams the Custard of the Day;
so Night makes no other Difference with these, than in substituting a Phantom for a Reality. Out of this Set Mr. Pope hath composed his Gnomes; whose airy Forms play round the Card Tables, and, tho' they cannot play, o'erlook the Cards. Another Set there is, who, in the Language of the old Plays, may be called The Gallants. These, whether Men or Ladies, fix their Thoughts on no other Subject but Gallantry; how they shall look, who they shall coquet with,
Page 241
with, being all their Care; and perhaps this, if seriously attended to, is full sufficient; for they find as constant a Watchfulness, and as many Plots, neccessary to prevent being robbed of their favourite Admirers, and to shew forth to the whole Company what mighty
Glories and great Conquests they obtain, as would serve to direct many Affairs, which, to vulgar Minds, appear of greater Consequence. It is a great Mistake those Persons whose
Situation of Life affords them little Leisure, fall into, when they imagine that which is generally called a Life of Pleasure, is a Life exempted from Labour; because what is so called is misnamed, and in reality is nothing more than leading a Life of Pursuit, and hunting after a fleeting, vain Shadow: In comparison with which we may say, with Burlesquer of a great Poet of our Days,
A Life of Labour is a Life of Ease:
Pain is true Joy, and Want is Luxury.
VOL.I. M If
Page 242
If it was not the Nature of Envy to be perfectly blinded against the Admittance of any Truth, it would perhaps find more Difficulty to meet with a proper Object on which to exert itself, than is generally imagined; it vainly haunts public Places, populous Cities, and gay Assemblies, in search of Food: But could the wife Persons, who chuse to welcome such a Guest, behold the Inside of the human Heart, and be acquainted with all its Motions, they must frequently perceive more Cause for Pity and Compassion, than for Envy, in the Bosoms of those very Persons, who at first Sight have the Appearance of being in Possession of human Happiness. In real Fact, all that is capable of bestowing any solid Satisfaction in this World, is so easily attained by every Individual, that were the Envious endued with the Power of discerning, they must be cured of that painful mental Distemper, in spite of their Teeth. But "that there is no Cause," is no more an Answer to Envy
Page 243
Envy than to Jealousy; and the former, as truly as the latter,
------------ Is a Monster,
Begot upon itself, born on itself.
To which also may be added, that it preys at home, and requires no other Food but the Vitals of those Persons with whom it takes up its Habitation; who, like the Spider, feed on their own Entrails, and from those poisonous Materials spin subtle Webs, wherein the unwary Flatterers, whose Minds perceive no Danger, are entangled, till Fame, and perhaps at last Life, are lost in one common Ruin.
Other Parties there are, who are too volatile to continue long in any Pursuit whatever; and therefore judiciously chuse to aim only at being what we commonly call Fashionable.
Amongst these also are two Sorts; for some are Leaders, and strive with
M 2 as
Page 244
as much Labour to be admired for the Elegance of their Taste, and to be followed by the Croud, as if they were certain of obtaining in the End some great Emolument. Others, more humble, content themselves with being Followers only, and are carried by the Multitude without giving thelmselves the Trouble of resisting or distinguishing; what they do, or how they are employed, being perfectly indifferent to them; whether they walk, ride, dress, game, or are gallant, they care not, if they can but obtain the Honour of (to suit the Style to its Subject) being a la mode, their Heart's Desire is fully accomplished; and if a Beautt, amongst the Leaders of Fashions, should have any whimsical Invention in her Dress, which Beauty alone can bear and adorn, the plainest amongst the Followers must imitate her as fast as possible, altho' it should render her Person highly disagreeable.
Such is the Force of this Infatuation! A hu-
Page 245
A humorous Paraphrase on those well-known Words of Othello, about the Anthropophagi, which fell accidentally into my Hand, seems to make a proper Conclusion to this Chapter:
Wherein of Ball-rooms vast, and Fidlers idle,
Hot-wells, and Rocks, and Hills whose
Heads touch Heaven;
It was my Hint to speak (such was my
Process),
And of the Cribagers, which each other
eat,
The Rollipollimi, or Men whose Heads
Do grow benumb'd, and brainless; these to
hear
Would Leonora seriously incline,
Or Amaryllis, or Desdemona, or
Pathenissa, or Lady Mary, Lady Fanny,
&c. &c. &c.
M3 CHAP.
CHAP. VI.
Various Humours, all tending to the fame material Point of casting off the heavy Burden of Time.
IN all public Places, the Company naturally fall into several Classes or Divisions, according to their various Dispositions in Tastes. Some are busy Actors in the Scene; others, like the Centinels placed at each Corner of the Theatre, seem to have no other Employment but to behold the Play; altho' if the most minute Criticisms on the Actions, Dress, or Behaviour of the Company, could keep the Peace, or prevent others from running Riot, it might be imagined that they also were sent, as well as the Guard, to the Play-house, to prevent Uproars and Confusion; but
Page 235
but altho' their Tongues are often sharpened by Slander, yet they cannot do equal Execution with the pointed Bayonet, and therefore are less forcible to maintain Order and Regularity.
This Class may, with no Impropriety, be stiled The Party of Observation; they game no more than is absolutely necessary to keep themselves in Countenance, and prove their Affnity to the World. Their chied Delight is placed in Conversation, and they are to be found herded together, in little Clusters, in the Corners of public Assemblies; every Oddness of Manner, or Peculiarity of Character, they can discover, is a valuable Acquisition, and is immediately published throughout the whole Set, and serves to blazon forth their Talent of Ridicule with the greater Variety. The Oddities of Figure or Behaviour, which have been perceived by any of this Party of Observation in the Evening, are served up as regularly for a Repast the
Page 236
the next Morning at Breakfast, as Tea, Coffee, Chocolate, or any other Ingredient of which it is generally composed.
A Degree of Wit and Humour, or something that so far resembles those Qualities as to be mistaken for them, at least by one another, is necessary for an Introduction to this Party, for as to that numberless Race of Mortals, who continue to the End of their Lives, cherishing the Hopes that they have been instrumental in making others ridiculous, whereas in Truth they have conferred that Favour on themselves alone, it is with great Difficulty any of them can gain Admittance amongst this society; unless they are so fortunate as to be within such a Degree of Consanguinity to some Person of Consequence amongst them, as to have an undoubted Right of claiming at least a Cousinship; and in that Cafe they find it as good to be related to Wit, as the common Proverb pronounces what it is, as to be related
Page 237
lated to an Estate; but if it was not for the Indulgence of that various, Proteus- like Passion of Vanity, which changes and twists into Millions of Forms, these Persons would soon discover what an extravagant Price they pay for such an Advantage.
Their Situation is indeed very unpleasant; they reverse the Afftectation of poor Stephen, in Ben Johnson's Comedy of Every Man in his Humour, who put on the Humour of Melancholy, thinking he thereby shewed the Gentleman; for they, on the contrary, put on the Humour of Mirth, imagining that thereby they shew that Wit; and are continually putting themselves to the Pain of forcing Laughter, when they feel themselves much more inclined to weep. They are so placed as to resemble only Pictures of human Creatures; and are for the greatest Part of their Time present, where they neither constitute any Part of the Conversation, nor receive to themselves any Enter-
Page 238
Entertainment: Like Puppets, in a Raree-show, they serve only for Appearances; and when they leave the Company, no Faculty but that of Sight is sensible of their Absence.
They are the very Opposites to Sir John Falstaff; have a two-fold Stupidity, neither being witty themselves, nor the Causes of Wit in others; for there is such an Excess of Dullness in some Persons, that, like the Torpedo, they benumb all that approach them; with only this Difference, that their Effect is on the Mind.
The Party of Observation have a Custom of bestowing on every one some Nick-name, signifying the Character of the Person on whom they condescend to fit in Judgement; which, like the Free-mason's Sign, being unknown to any but themselves, serves them as an Expedient by which they can express their Thoughts of whomsoever they please in public Company, and
Page 239
and no other Person, except their own Society, can understand their Meaning, or be ever the wiser.
There are a Set also of Gamesters, who make Play their only Business; who entirely lose the Idea of its being a Diversion, and follow it as closely as if it were a Trade on which they, and their Families depended: And indeed their Ruin doth too often depend on it; for I speak not of those who are, in the common Expression, said to play all the Game; not chusing to enter on the Subject of the Various Kinds of Pick-pockets with which the World is infested; but being willing rather to perform the Office of those Persons, who, at the coming out of the Playhouse, caution the Company, by crying out, with a loud Voice, "Gentlemen, guard your Pockets."
These Gamesters are so swallowed up in their favourite Employment, that at Meals, and at such small Spaces of Time
Page 240
Time as their Hands are forced to cease from it, they, like Bajazet, "enjoy it in Thought;" and the talking over the Cards which they have played, fills up their Conversation: It is probable their Imagination doth not cease from Play even in their Sleep; but, as the Company at the Lord Mayor's Feast,
Eat in Dreams the Custard of the Day;
so Night makes no other Difference with these, than in substituting a Phantom for a Reality. Out of this Set Mr. Pope hath composed his Gnomes; whose airy Forms play round the Card Tables, and, tho' they cannot play, o'erlook the Cards. Another Set there is, who, in the Language of the old Plays, may be called The Gallants. These, whether Men or Ladies, fix their Thoughts on no other Subject but Gallantry; how they shall look, who they shall coquet with,
Page 241
with, being all their Care; and perhaps this, if seriously attended to, is full sufficient; for they find as constant a Watchfulness, and as many Plots, neccessary to prevent being robbed of their favourite Admirers, and to shew forth to the whole Company what mighty
Glories and great Conquests they obtain, as would serve to direct many Affairs, which, to vulgar Minds, appear of greater Consequence. It is a great Mistake those Persons whose
Situation of Life affords them little Leisure, fall into, when they imagine that which is generally called a Life of Pleasure, is a Life exempted from Labour; because what is so called is misnamed, and in reality is nothing more than leading a Life of Pursuit, and hunting after a fleeting, vain Shadow: In comparison with which we may say, with Burlesquer of a great Poet of our Days,
A Life of Labour is a Life of Ease:
Pain is true Joy, and Want is Luxury.
VOL.I. M If
Page 242
If it was not the Nature of Envy to be perfectly blinded against the Admittance of any Truth, it would perhaps find more Difficulty to meet with a proper Object on which to exert itself, than is generally imagined; it vainly haunts public Places, populous Cities, and gay Assemblies, in search of Food: But could the wife Persons, who chuse to welcome such a Guest, behold the Inside of the human Heart, and be acquainted with all its Motions, they must frequently perceive more Cause for Pity and Compassion, than for Envy, in the Bosoms of those very Persons, who at first Sight have the Appearance of being in Possession of human Happiness. In real Fact, all that is capable of bestowing any solid Satisfaction in this World, is so easily attained by every Individual, that were the Envious endued with the Power of discerning, they must be cured of that painful mental Distemper, in spite of their Teeth. But "that there is no Cause," is no more an Answer to Envy
Page 243
Envy than to Jealousy; and the former, as truly as the latter,
------------ Is a Monster,
Begot upon itself, born on itself.
To which also may be added, that it preys at home, and requires no other Food but the Vitals of those Persons with whom it takes up its Habitation; who, like the Spider, feed on their own Entrails, and from those poisonous Materials spin subtle Webs, wherein the unwary Flatterers, whose Minds perceive no Danger, are entangled, till Fame, and perhaps at last Life, are lost in one common Ruin.
Other Parties there are, who are too volatile to continue long in any Pursuit whatever; and therefore judiciously chuse to aim only at being what we commonly call Fashionable.
Amongst these also are two Sorts; for some are Leaders, and strive with
M 2 as
Page 244
as much Labour to be admired for the Elegance of their Taste, and to be followed by the Croud, as if they were certain of obtaining in the End some great Emolument. Others, more humble, content themselves with being Followers only, and are carried by the Multitude without giving thelmselves the Trouble of resisting or distinguishing; what they do, or how they are employed, being perfectly indifferent to them; whether they walk, ride, dress, game, or are gallant, they care not, if they can but obtain the Honour of (to suit the Style to its Subject) being a la mode, their Heart's Desire is fully accomplished; and if a Beautt, amongst the Leaders of Fashions, should have any whimsical Invention in her Dress, which Beauty alone can bear and adorn, the plainest amongst the Followers must imitate her as fast as possible, altho' it should render her Person highly disagreeable.
Such is the Force of this Infatuation! A hu-
Page 245
A humorous Paraphrase on those well-known Words of Othello, about the Anthropophagi, which fell accidentally into my Hand, seems to make a proper Conclusion to this Chapter:
Wherein of Ball-rooms vast, and Fidlers idle,
Hot-wells, and Rocks, and Hills whose
Heads touch Heaven;
It was my Hint to speak (such was my
Process),
And of the Cribagers, which each other
eat,
The Rollipollimi, or Men whose Heads
Do grow benumb'd, and brainless; these to
hear
Would Leonora seriously incline,
Or Amaryllis, or Desdemona, or
Pathenissa, or Lady Mary, Lady Fanny,
&c. &c. &c.
M3 CHAP.
Notes to Vol. 1, Book 2, Chapters 4-6
Notes for chapter 4:
it is more blessed to give than to receive: Acts 20:35, “In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”
Titus: In William Shakespeare’s The Lamentable Tragedy of Titus Andronicus, its main character Titus gravely regrets killing his daughter Lavinia after rashly following the advice of Saturninus.
Bristol: Like Bath, Bristol was a popular vacationing spot for those suffering from physical and emotional ailments.
Notes for Chapter 5:
Stiled: conventional spelling of 'styled' at the time of the 1759 edition.
"I bite my Thumbs, but not by way of Offence": A defiant gesture (akin to raising the middle finger) made by the servant Sampson in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet:
“Nay, as they dare, I will bite my thumb at them;
which is a disgrace to them, if they bear it.” (Act 1, Scene 1, lines 35-36)
Sir John Falstaff: a comic stock character in three Shakespearean plays: Henry IV part 1, Henry IV part 2, and The Merry Wives of Windsor. In both Henry IV plays he is described as a fat, vain, boastful, and cowardly knight who is thought to be based on Sir John Fastolf. Sir Fastolf fought at the Battle of Patay against Joan of Arc in 1429 and, when England lost the battle, he was used as scapegoat and stripped of his knighthood because of his alleged cowardice.
Jobson: The Humorous Farce of Jobson and Nell, an engraving by an unknown artist modeled after artist and illustrator Francis Hayman’s Jobson, Nell, & The Doctor (1743), Vauxhall Gardens. In the painting, the angry and jealous Jobson holds back his wife Nell who, suggested by the painting, has been engaging in an extramarital affair with the Doctor.
Chloe absent, or Chloe cruel: Possible allusion to the Chloe referenced in two identical quatrains in Cantos II and V of Alexander Pope’s The Rape of Lock:
“When bold Sir Plume had drawn Clarissa down,
Chloe stepped in, and killed him with a frown;
She smiled to see the doughty hero slain,
But at her smile the beau revived.”
The Chloe that Pope mentions is a possible allusion to the heroine of the Greek poet Longus’ Daphnis and Chloe written in 200 A.D. In the story, Daphnis and Chloe fall in love with each other, but due to their naïveté in love, encounter various obstacles and misunderstandings that tear them apart before finally reuniting at the end.
Bottom: Throughout A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Bottom displays a misplaced sense of overconfidence in his knowledge, ability as an actor, and love. Bottom’s blindness of his true capabilities reaches its peak when the sprite Puck transforms Bottom’s head into that of an ass but because of Bottom’s vanity he stays ignorant of his current physical form.
Belivering: delivering. Possible printer typo of the 1759 edition.
Greek Prosodia: Prosodia Graeca, a Greek grammar book of rules and examples based on educating its reader on the correct use of meters and the digamma in the poems by Homer.
Tucker: A piece of lace or the like, worn by women within or around the top of the bodice in the 17-18th century. (OED)
Compunction: Pricking or stinging of the conscience or heart; regret or uneasiness of mind consequent on sin or wrong-doing; remorse, contrition. (OED)
Notes for Chapter 6:
chied: chide. Possible printer typo of the 1759 edition.
Proverb: Possible allusion to Samuel Richardson’s Clarissa (1748), “My sister says, in the words of an old saw, It is good to be related to an estate.” (81)
Proteus: Allusion to both the shape-shifting sea god and Proteus from Shakespeare’s Two Gentlemen of Verona whose loyalties are constantly in flux throughout the play according to his ever-changing love preferences.
Raree-show: A set of pictures or a puppet show exhibited in a portable box for public entertainment; a peep show. (OED)
Free-mason's Sign: A member of a (now international) society established for mutual help and fellowship, whose traditions and rituals make symbolic use of or reference to the tools of medieval stonemasons (notably the square and compasses). From the early 17th cent. (app. Earliest in Scotland) some societies or ‘lodges’ began to admit members who were not connected with the building trades. In some English societies from about the same time certain members could undergo a particular form of initiation, thereby becoming accepted masons; all members of such a society might be referred to loosely as free masons, or more explicitly as free and accepted masons; the latter phrase occurs in the names of many lodges founded from the early 18th century onwards. (OED)
Bajazet: A five act tragedy play by Jean Racine in 1672.
Eat in Dreams the Custard of the Day: line 92 in Alexander Pope’s The Dunciad, Book I:
“Now Mayors and Shrieves all hush’d and satiate lay,
Yet eat, in dreams, the custard of the day;
While pensive Poets painful vigils keep,
Sleepless themselves to give their readers sleep.”
Gnomes: allusion to the mischievous demons of Alexander Pope’s mock-heroic poem, The Rape of the Lock.
A life of Labour...Want is Luxury: lines 37-38 of William Whitehead’s New Night Thoughts on Death. A Parody (1748). In the poem, Whitehead satirizes Reverend Edward Young’s long nine-part poem The Complaint: or Night-Thoughts on Life, Death and Immortality (1742-1745).
Is a Monster: Allusion of Emilia’s view on jealousy spoken to Desdemona in Shakespeare’s Othello:
“But jealous souls will not be answered so.
They are not ever jealous for the cause,
But jealous for they’re jealous. It is a monster
Begot upon itself, born on itself.” (Act 3, Scene 4, lines 147-150)
Croud: conventional spelling of 'crowd' at the time of printing the 1759 edition.
Beautt: Beauty. Possible printer typo of the 1759 edition.
Anthropophagi: Men-eaters, cannibals. (OED)
Cribagers: Those who play cribbage. Cribbage: A game at cards, played by two, three, or four persons, with a complete pack of 52 cards, five (or six) of which are dealt to each player, and a board with sixty-one holes on which the points are scored by means of pegs; a characteristic feature being the ‘crib’, consisting of cards thrown out of from each player’s hand, and belonging to the dealer. (OED)
Rollipollimi: A possible allusion and cartooning of a person who plays Rowley-powley. Rowley-powley was a game in which a stick was thrown at a number of pins or skittles. It was common at fairs and races in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. (OED)
Wherein of Ball-rooms vast, and Fidlers idle...: Satirically alludes to part of Othello’s history that wooed Desdemona as a girl:
“Wherein of antres vast and deserts idle,
Rough quarries, rocks, and hills whose heads touch heaven,
It was my hint to speak- such was the process-
And of the Cannibals that each other eat,
The Anthropophagi, and men whose heads
Do grow beneath their shoulders. This to hear
Would Desdemona seriously incline.” (Act 1, Scene 3, lines 143-149)
